Who says boys don’t cook?

This article is not something on ‘cooking’ as some may have thought on seeing the title. On the contrary, this piece of writing intends to question some of the stereotypes in the largely Christianized Naga society that are carried forward without qualms as they are deeply imbibed in our culture. Like the notion that matter of the kitchen is a woman’s job alone. At times, we love our culture too much that we fail to do what is right in the eyes of God. Though there are many examples that can be considered, I shall only take ‘cooking’ as a metaphor to understand why the denial of ‘equality’ to women in our everyday activities is a denial of justice to a person ‘created’ in God’s own image.

Once I came across a girl who said, “You know, I used to hear that my brother cooks really well, but ever since I started staying with him he has not bothered to step into the kitchen!” Of course, the brother had the excuse of holding a job besides being the older sibling. But raised in typical patriarchal set up like ours, it becomes unimaginable for boys to be in the kitchen when girls are around. Boys’ business seems to be sporting around the whole day and ordering for food the moment they step into the house with a hungry stomach. The girls are expected to take care of all the nerve breaking in-and-around-the-house chores with their mothers as though they were just born to do that. How often do we overlook the burden of women?

However, there is huge visible change once boys and girls step outside of their homes, for studies and other purposes. (I take my experience of staying in Delhi as a reference point). But like acquired habits that die hard there is the tendency for boys to fall back to the system of letting-the-sisters-do-all while they laze around. The level of reluctance is higher with boys staying with sisters. The instance mentioned above can be taken as an illustration. Our boys are a spoiled lot. And often, girls have joined in to spoil them too, sadly. How? Often when we just don the cultural mental without inquiring its validity with the changing times, we are blinded from seeing what is ‘right’. We need to be able to look beyond ‘culture and tradition’ as they are not absolutes but subject to change with times since they are also mere human inventions established to suit certain period in the past. Their relevance need to be probed if we want to see an unbiased society. One good way to start with is at home.

The saying “Charity begins at home” is a hackneyed old adage that we don’t really care about its meaning today. Yet, we can draw wonderful inspirations from it in our daily walk of life. Study says that children who grow up in violent homes become more violent later in life. And most often, stereotypes are first acquired at home; a boy who never see his father do household chores or step into the kitchen will grow up with such mentality. Sometimes, we don’t allow our children to grow up with the actual potentials in them. We always try to ‘make’ something out of them; girls have to be these, boys have to be that, etc. So much so that we reduce our girls to be feeble, docile, fearful, etc. while boys are taught to be tough, rough, fearless, etc. There is nothing wrong in girls climbing trees or boys fetching water for the kitchen. Yet, a girl who is tomboyish is still befriended but loathes a boy who is sissy! Somehow our society has created a deep divide out of what ‘should’ be for boys and girls that we have lost the ‘right’ sense.

We all know that mannerisms acquired within the home are displayed in the open. Or in other words, you become what you are taught to be. So often I feel saddened to see many women think so lowly of themselves, especially among non-educated village folks. But then, I also realize that it is not them but the society that has made them the way they are. In most homes even today, the boys are placed at an advantage in everything. From the dining table to the school. Just scan around, most men in our society who are standing tall today in various fields have attained that status of sacrifices of their sisters. It may sound contemptuous but it’s true. Yet, we see only the glory of the men and not the sweats of women. I can most assuredly say that if those women who toil in the fields back home were given the opportunity to go to schools like their brothers they would be seeing glory today!

Having mentioned the shortcomings in our society, there are things interesting also. We also have a wonderful tradition. In times of feast it is the men who take more responsibility in cooking large pots, and even serve. How more wonderful it would be if we could also translate that into our homes and ‘share’ responsibilities in the kitchen too! Yet, ours isn’t the only society that needs to re-think. It’s ‘advantage men’ in most societies. Often, outside of home the most visible ‘chefs’ are men, and yet, at home we designate women as ‘cooks’! That itself shows the extent of how reluctant we are to allow women to take the place of honour. If women are masters of the kitchen, they should be crowned ‘chefs’ of all mankind!

The way I see it, the challenge for our generation is enormous when it comes to striving for equality. We talk so much of ‘justice’ and pray that it is achieved in the world. But have we forgotten that ‘justice’ should first prevail at home? And it makes more sense that a society like ours that claim to be ‘Christian’ by persuasion, heed the Bible and treat both male and female alike because they are both ‘created in the image of God’. If our culture and tradition has handed down to us a system that does not place men and women at equal footing, we need to rectify it and do the ‘right’ thing. Christian families should take the lead in facilitating ‘equality’ at home by treating both boys and girls at par in everything. The words we use, the objects we offer and the action we commit to our children becomes the hallmark of ushering ‘justice’ to prevail at home and the world.


(An earlier version of this article appeared in 2012 DZIILA anniversary issue of PBCD and Eastern Mirror newspaper, August 2012)